ahhhh... the fatigue of it all.
torturing yet satisfying(:

i kind of love k1 now(:

ermmms but i still miss us/

goodbye.

winni loves dark people
i adore tall, dark AND handsome people
he sat infront of him today
winni sat infront of me too (:
they hang out together
we are lesbians.
they and us make two great pairs
lets get married (:(:

hahas we had dinner at ding tai feng/paragon today
xiao long bao rocks(:
talked for like damn damn long in that place
and roamed town aimlessly before heading to galilee&friends
wei concluded that we needed a chauffeur to bring us home as we wish.
gahhhhs 18 years AND above! =S

ohhhh yes, i survived my first official exams in NJC! wheeee!
i wouldnt dare comment on how i fare cos' everything was just horrible.
nonetheless, im still damn friggin glad that i didnt hand in a blank script for history(:
h2 history can be real fun and thrilling... hahs
i SO wanna kiss aung sang's arse, like totally. *rolls my eyes

anyways theres trg tml!
yippeeeee! finally...

theres this DHL hot air balloon which you can ride at bugis.
you can actually view singapore from a height of 150m.. hahas seems fun
tickets are sold at 23 bucks (adult)
10 mins per ride.

i just felt like advertising for it.
it seems interesting,
and i never rode on a hot air balloon before.

i fired my first shot at the examination monsters today.
hit? NOT.
i had a good laugh at myself after the gp paper.
fancy taking a shot at a question which you obviously have no clues about; what the heck is bane& boon? talk about my superb poor english =S
heee... i need gp remedial.

2nd hit? NOT.
as usual, i couldnt finish writin my econs essay.

hahs can someone tell me why im so calm about everything?
examinations make me laugh, like totally.
the excitement and thrill of it all... and knowing you screwed all up at the end of the day.
im such a loser. LOL
im a joke.

goodbye. i need to bath so i'll smell nice for my mugging session (:
i seriously do not wanna screw chemistry.

last call: 2:29:01
thanks for being there for me(:
i miss the old times loads.
hang out soon pig =p!

twentyfour hours.
changes were made... so quickly and abrupt.
i wasnt sure how we felt exactly...
overwhelmed by too many feelings... yet we were optimistic,
hanging on the slightest hope that it may not be a permanent change.
it felt really different rowing with another person suddenly,
not because she was lousy (in reality i was NOT good enough for her, like TOTALLY. to row with her was a privillage),
but cos' i really miss the way we feel each other's presence and row as one.
the stark contrast in feel shocked me.
ahhhhh i dont know how to put it in words but the feeling when we were rowing tgt was just special... the kind which i know nobody can replace either of us.

we had numerous time trials today; four sprint sets in the morning and three in the evening.
k2 250m k2 500m k2 250m k2 500m t1 1000m k1 1000m k2 1000m
each sprint made me feel more lousy and useless...
... more fearful of what is to come later.
the last time i remember feeling so so so nervous and stressed was nationals women's kayaking.
but today the pressure seemed to increase loads more than my previous exp... we had to fight to prove our faith, our beliefs and our partnership.
we had only one shot,
the last race set of the day.

we knew this was critical.
desperation set in shortly after 250m.
we wanted it real bad.
but the other boats were pulling apart way too quickly from us.
each power ten called sucked up that last ounce of strength in us.
how many last ounces we had... i didnt know.. but it took a great deal to force ourselves to keep givin more each time.
the process was painful, but reaching the destination was worse.
i knew we really did our best... but somewhat the ache in my heart did not ease one bit.
the bitter reality check.
our all wasnt good enough...
we were NO where near any of them.
perhaps we should have seen this coming, but deep down, we wanted so bad to labour under the delusion that success was at hand.
no, it wasnt a delusion. it was OUR belief, our faith that we can achieve anythin as long we had the heart and the guts; dream big and conquer with hard work.

yes, reality bites. but still, the change was neccessary, for the greater good of the team.
he's right, always spot-on on many matters (most of the time). his advice really counts.
i know this sounds dumb, but i actually had the impulse to tell him that please put his faith in us for the last time. gahhhhsss the blunt truth is we are simply not up to it. it would have been a leap of faith should he allow us to pursue our dreams further.
you probably be thinking that i shouldnt dwell on this as though its the end of the world,
especially so when most of the seniors are going through much rough-er patches now.
true enough, i shouldnt... but this is me.
i think LOADS... about the past, now and also the future.
in fact, even little things people do can have such great impact on me that i'll start thinking back of the things which other people did) and sometimes the future, so i can see/imagine what i want to do and what i want people to do.
ok, so im weird... but thats not the point, really.

move on, thats what everybody been tellin me since the time i could remember stuff and talk gibberish.
yeah i will... and no i will not wipe all those memories off and make a clean break with it in order to get on with life.
the memory of us doing our 150m sprints still lingers fresh in my mind though.
even the times when i watched your back and tried to imitate as closely as possible your strokes(blade angle etc) and cycle, reminded myself to be a mirror image of you, shouted ten power, encouraged each other remain at the back of my head. we were very alike in some ways. we used our arms way too much, hunched our backs most of the time, never quite twist when we were rowing, thinking we did when in fact we were turning our shoulders, had the tendancy to bend our right wrists when we punched etc. i have never thought it'll hurt that bad.... erms... maybe i should really stop this before i start weeping again.
anyways, i'll bring our faith with me wherever i go(:(:
and pull hard for you, sj, the team and everyone who believe in us.

faith is a very strong word in my dictionary.
it represents the concrete trust people had in each other and the strength to believe again.
faith was lost and found again many times in my sixteen plus years.
and yesterday night, when i was going home, the thought of np and rod just crossed my mind so randomly.
people tried but failed... then they tried again and failed again... and this cycle continued for a very long time.
they fell so many times in their pursuit for the slightest approval.
few succeeded and many suffered all sorts of shit and crap.
then one day, they became weary and stopped trying anymore.
people started losing faith in one another and some relationships were strained beyond salavge.
some said they didnt care but all was said behind a facade,
while others just couldnt give a damn after all.
but the words hurt so much that people couldnt tell apart black and white anymore.
thank god the storm cleared and they finally could see who the angels are... or did they not?

i realised how much i miss trg today;
the feel of adrenaline rushing through your body...
the way we draw strength from each other and pull even harder for our faith and beliefs...
the desire to pull apart from the rest of the boats...
the breathless-ness during each set, where all you want to see are the finishing buoys...
the triumph of knowing that you have give your all and conquered the previous set.

we found our glide
and relieved those moments again.

remember this feeling...
feel it the next trg, the trg after... forever

we can give more... i know we can
pain is never enough.
row with your heart, not your body.

all it takes is the guts and the courage,
we will row harder.

wonderfulthingsawaitus.thanksforkeepingthefaith.illneverletgoofthisfaith

bliss(:
10 june 06 - his "graduation"
im so proud of him(:

watched she's da man! yest(:
teehee! awesome movie with the perfect company.
loads of funny parts and totally sweet scenes that make you go AWWWWWWWWW... (:
hahas dearest sijing was like grabbing my arm so tightly everytime she sees lovey dovey couples. LOLS I SWEAR I COULD FEEL HER POWER! heeee =PpPp

and yupppsss happy belated 17th sze!(:(:
hope you like the present we got you. hahasss

jus came back home from dinner at adam's rd with the girls(:
hahas i love all our lunches and dinners tgt.
so full of rubbish and fun.
and they always make my day(:(:

tml's nats db comp.
gahhhhss kinda scary =x
all the way ! (:

i woke up feeling dizzy and spooked.
had a nightmare during my short 2h nap
i dreamt of a friend being run down by a mrt train after falling into the tracks
i was very scared and didnt even dare to take a last glimpse of her body.
what followed after was extremely disturbing and hurting for me, my other friends and i quickly boarded the train without staying on to call the police/ambulance.
everything felt unreal but at the same time, it gave me the shivers and creeps,
as though it signifies a bad omen, spelling doom ahead.
ughhhhhsss its really daunting =x

today trg (canoeing & db) was draining.
glad that all of us pulled through, hahas especially for corrine and me(:
nats db comp is 3 days away.... gahhhs kinda nervous.
yupppss lets do this tgt girls(:

hahahas wrote this uber long msg for my dearest partner(:(:
dont think i'll put it here cos its really personal.. teeheeee =p

i<3her(:
was damn glad and happy when you screamed NO! with such great determination today.
could truly feel you... hang on there always kayys(:
and yes, we will leave every trg with no regrets(:

yupps for everyone out there...
embrace the pain,
embrace the fatigue.
don't fear them but take them in your stride.
never let your body rule your mind.
people always say 'never give up without a fight'...
but believe in you and the people ard you and not even give up once..
keep fighting ... forever(:
the human heart has no limits(:

reality may be harsh , words may be cutting and force you to fall hard from grace.
but they will never put us down, not mentally...
cos we will never allow them to.
pick yourself up fast and tgt, we can create a miracle(:

that was pretty random. 've been thinking bout many things yest and today.
and yuppps, jus some random thoughts of mine i guess(:
hope they can spur some of the souls that have lost their faith and confidence out there(:

jasmine's food checklist

breakfast	egg mcmurfin meal	$4
lunch	sakae sushi	$17
snack	corn beef sandwich crossiant	$4 $1
dinner	home meal (:	$0

total damage: $26 x_X

gahhhsss carn believe i spent so much on food in one day =x
that explains my not-so-recent development of flabby arms, thighs, tummy... blahhhsss
've been eating way TOO MUCH, much more than what i can actually burn off during trgs.
im becomin both vertically AND horizontally challenged
and thats kinda scary =/

dang! time to go on a diet!

hanged out with jo today(:(:
walked ard lots , going from malls to more malls.
yupppss shopping spree! :D
i bought myself a shirt! lalalalalas!
its brown and its pretty.
best of all, its cheap(:
guess most of the shops slashed their prices somewhat for the great singapore sale.
hahas felt really dizzy after lookin at so many pretty clothing for so long.
BUT! no pain no gain (: teeheee!
im a very happy girl:DDDD

(:

-edit: SHOUTS! <3teammates totally:DD
dinner was fantastic(: talkin cock rocks. laffed real hard till my abs hurt. i love this company LOADS
erms too tired to blog bout the camp and everythin .
many ups and downs here and there.
tomorrows people! adios(:

RESERVED!
070606- 090606
june camp(:

due to popular demand, im back!(:
arent you glad people!

hahs yupps haven blogged for ages. last post was on may 13 and that was like half a month ago =S
ermmmsss theres loads i would like to share but gahhhhhss as usual im lazy again.
okayys nvm lets start with today(:

was feelin VERY cranky and moody after trg.
jus didnt feel like talking much. its like one of those swings i had in sec2;
could get irritated and extrememly annoyed at the slighest thing.
was rather anti-social i guesss... jus wasnt my usual self *bites

gahhhhhhhsss you guys are right... i think too much =/
maybe cos' im really afraid of what the future holds
afraid that we carn meet a certain standard in due time
afraid that we will not be able to resolve problems and pull through together as one when they surface
afraid that our unity cannot withstand the test of pressure and time when differences arise

im afraid of many things.
constantly haunted by self doubt and sadly... to some extent, a lack of confidence in my own teammates... and yes im very ashamed of myself for feelin this way.
i know i ought to shut out such negative thoughts but im really worried :(
everybody's trg hard and all but our progress as a whole isnt exactly fantastic.
time is clearly not on our side now and thats v scary.
sometimes i look at myself and the rate im improvin, gahhhhssss i feel like crap already=/
ahhhhhhh. no... i will not lose faith. HANG ON THERE!

and to the junior team (lols dun think you guys will see this): im sorry you guys have to bear with my crap/shitty self this evening :( im sorry for not havin enough trust in you guys and havin those shitty thoughts earlier on this evening. but i still believe in us(: we will press on in face of diversity. i know that deep inside, there's still loads of heart which you guys can give... so c'mon we can do this together. believe in yourself and also the people who put their faith in you. throw away all that unfaithfulness. bring out all that heart and desire in you and be the best you can ever be(: the greatest enemy is always yourself... beat yourself and conquer the waters. we're always behind you... so stay strong(:

no matter what crap goes on in my mind, how negative i can be about things and how much sometimes i can hate the world suddenly,
i jus wanna scream:
I LOVE THIS TEAM<3
i want to improve tgt with you people!

ahhhhhhs! theres so much i want to say to you guys... bahhhsss never mind, i shall save it for tues(:

anywaysss we've been hittin town recently after trgs(: hahahahahas so fun. and lunches/study sessions/TRGS with you guys rock totally! laughed till my abs hurt real bad (during lunches). LOLS:DDDD hahahas movie was like WHEEEEEE! benchwarmers rock my arse. it was hilarous. heeeee i bet we were the loudest in the cinemas. ROARRRS! WE ROCK

erms trgs were rather okayy recently(: thank god
hahahas i love rowing k2 with corrine!
yuppppssss we're gonna trg and pull real hard kayys.
mus aspire to be explosive powerhouses!(:
we're lacking explosiveness and our starts are damn lag.
guess we are kinda slow generally =x
yupps gonna work on it... and also OUR STRENGTH =x
oh ya... im a lousy back rower. was tilting super left and corrine had to balence the boat for me/ tilt right x_X this is bad.
gahhhhss im really sorry . i promise i'll kick that bad habit... ahhhh gimme a bit time kayys.
all the way partner! lets make our boat fly!(:

k1 this week was good too(:
didnt had much a balence problem.
actually i shouldnt even be thinkin bout my balence already. gahhhhss should focus on how i can put in more power and how to catch the water properly (:
yupps i can do this! (: stay strong and focused.
but stilll rahhhhhhss, im takin an awfully long time to master k1 =x
ermmmmss must buck up!

i must not fear.
fear is the mind killer.
fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.
i will face my fear and when that is gone past,
i will turn the inner eye to see its path.
when the fear is gone,
there will be nothing.
only I will remain.

may26 2006. never let it get into you anymore.